Thinking about having kids...try this 11 step program (funny)

Too freaking funny not to share....


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Contemplating having kids?  Well try this 11 step program to see if you are ready for the challenge of being a parent.


Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the newspaper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their.
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breast feeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel.
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out.
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favourite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van/SUV. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Dora/Diego, Disney, Bubble Guppies and Yo Gabba Gabba. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel, Noggin, Sprout or Nick Jr for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin' or 'Sprout'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Reset button for your life - myth or reality?

Have you ever watched a movie and wonder, could that work in the real world?  Or could that just work in the made up world of movies where it is an ideal situation and all of the circumstances line up perfectly with no problems at all?

For example, you see that people in movies or tv show look for a 'fresh start' or have a 'moral makeover'.  Could that happen with no such issues in reality?  I'm not so sure.  You never see these people having issue paying their bills or problems searching for work in the process of the 'makeover'. 

Some people really do need a 'makeover' of sorts but not for some it would be literally impossible with out making matter extremely bad for them in the process. 

I can say a long time ago I was able to accomplish a minor 'fresh start' process, but at the time I was much younger and single and had minimal bills to pay.  But now, NO WAY.  I have too many responsibilities to take care of and kids to look in the best interest for and a household to keep together.  Not saying I need one right now, I certainly don't.  But if the need came up for one at this moment in my life that would be impossible.

For some a 'fresh start' could mean moving to a completely new city/state with new jobs, etc. Other the 'makeover' could mean trying a new faith or re-finding your faith.  The possibilities are rather endless.  But these so called complete "RESET" that you see in the movies, personally I think they are a myth.  But small steps that lead to a larger result over time is completely possible.

Have you ever considered this for yourself?  Or are you currently trying one?  Or was one put upon you unexpectedly (because that is possible as well)?

Internet support vs physical support

One interesting thing that the internet allows is the fact to reach out to others far away.  Support from others (I especially have found) is very important to make it through rough times in life. 

To be honest nothing can ever replace the true therapy of one-on-one support and contact, especially in very emotional times.  But....  the internet REALLY helps.  Kind words and the knowledge that others are on your side is awesome.

I am a member of a small handful of message boards/groups and as a result I have made so many amazing friendships.  I cannot express how truly grateful and thankful I am to have met all of those people and have them as part of my life.

I hope that everyone has that fortune to find some place (either a group or a message board) that can support you in time of need or joy.  It's important if you do not have the ability to see others on a regular basis.  Don't be afraid or too shy to reach out. 

Caps Hockey back in full swing

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that hockey season is back.  The regular season doesn't begin for a few more weeks but just the fact that pre-season has begun makes me so happy.

I really enjoy looking through the schedule and deciding which games we are going to go to and also deciding which games to take the kiddos too.  I can't wait to take them back again.  Cam just LOVES putting on her 'hockey shirt' (her jersey).  We had to purchase a new one for little Bubba because he's so big now he grew out of his old one. 

I know a lot of people don't like hockey or really don't know much about it.  To be honest it's a VERY boring sport to watch on television (especially if you don't know much about it).  It is one of those sports where you need to be there to get a feel of it first and THEN it is more appreciated when you watch it on TV.  But it is certainly one of those 'you have to be there' kind of sports.

As a family we are very passionate about hockey and I hope there is something in your world that you are just as passionate about.  I find it important to have something like that in your life, no matter what it is. Sports, hobbies, etc.  Have you asked yourself lately what YOU are passionate about?

WTF, Facebook!?!

I'm not one to usually complain about changes, especially on a social media website. BUT....


WTF, Facebook!?!?!?!

These changes are so obsurd.  Literally almost every friend I have has or has had this morning a status displaying their DISLIKE of the new changes.

The ticker is kind of cool (I will admit) but these 'blue boxes' thing and selecting for us if they think we should only get certain types of updates from people??  Yeah, that's what I said.  If you move your cursor to the right side of the comment/status box you'll see some selections and concerning updates for an individual(s) are the following: All Updates, Some Updates, Important.  How in the heck do you classify "some" updates versus "important"????  This just really stinks.

I don't have time to go through each an every person I talk to and take the time to make priority lists and status criteria for EVERYONE.  This is becoming too much.  I got on here to stay in touch with my friends and not have to think about it.

Now we have to work and organize just to see the status of people that are important to us and even then we are not 100% sure if it is the most up to date/time status.

Rant done, for now.

One is just like the other

A lot of people are under the impression that guys and girls do not act the same.  That could not be farther from the truth.  I'm speaking of course from a grown up stand point.

With guys there is usually a lot of curse words and belittling to show their manly affection for one another and with girls it's some of the time a lot of hugging and giggling.  But I've noticed lately a lot more 'man hugging' with guys especially in greeting and with ladies just as much of cursing and belittling (in backhanded ways, which usually gets a good laugh).

Stereotypes put girls and guys at total opposites, which in some cases is TOTALLY true.  However, in current society  in social situations or just one-on-one interaction that could not be further from the truth.

Have you ever noticed this?  I'm noticing now, I'm guessing because I'm a parent of two little ones and I'm paying so much more attention to their changing social skills.  Each day is something new at our house.  Kids sure say the darndest things.  Also, be careful what you say because there are tape recorders (little toddlers) everywhere.

For a smile...this always does it for me

New Kia Commercial to LMFAO Song "Party Rock Anthem"

Venting of energy

It certainly is interesting now when you get older how you handle different situations.

For example, when you get angry and are completely mad that you feel you are going to blow up.  What do you do?

When you are upset and so sad that you are just going to lose it.  What do you do?

I have found that my fuse for things, or the threshold to where I feel I'm going to explode or lose it has grown significantly (on most days).  However when it comes to things involving my children the fuse is not there and I have to react in the moment (which can be very awkward).

Taking a breath if you can, always seems to help release some of the original tension in a situation.... but haven't you found that sometimes holding your breath makes you feel more in control (or something to that affect) and if you release it the situation wins a little more??

My personal reaction to BOTH anger and sadness is crying.  Yep, crying (not all out bawling, but usually tearing up and such).  That is truly the safest way to release energy (for me) because I cannot lose it and hit/throw things.  I don't have the ability to leave the house and go to the gym like I used to (I'm also injured so that doesn't help either).  Sometimes talking things out...doesn't help and makes it worse (on certain occasions) because it is like adding fuel to the fire.

Another thing I have noticed that I do when upset on any level, if I do not cry/tear up I start cleaning.  Yep, cleaning.  It's a form of physical labor that can release some tension.   I find myself usually in the kitchen scrubbing things down or re-arranging stuff in the cabinets.

Do you have any habits that help you in a severe emotional fluctuation?  Even if you have kids or you don't we all seem to make it to this point some how.  What do you do?  Please share. 

Frustration with indecision

At some point I'm sure that all of us have dealt with the frustration of indecision or decisiveness.

I deal with it EVERY day.  I'm usually the decision maker at work where this is concerned and the worst topic where this is a problem is LUNCH.  Where to go or order from for lunch.  We've gone to such lengths as to even create a jar with places we like to go and types of food to order and pick from it when NO one has any idea what they want.

Then the process starts ALL over again at home, it's an all day thing if it is on the weekend.  Down to what are the kids going to wear, what to fix the kids for their meals what are we (the adults) going to eat?  What to do for activities?  Leaving the house?  Staying home?  Going to the store or order online? 

I know that all of this is really tiny on the larger scheme of things but when it happens all the time, it's hard to not think about it. 

Has this ever happened to you?  Do you get frustrated by things like this?

Sometimes I'm so relieved when other make those decisions for me.  But I'm sure just like everyone else my brain is tired and I'm so overly exhausted that the mindless things are so great.  We are currently considering structured meal planning at home (to help with this) especially since little H is now almost completely switched over to solids.  He's only got 8 teeth so some foods are still rather difficult.

In a bubble, but aren't we all?

With everything that happens in our lives and as we look around us, we all have a tendency to literally believe that the world revolves around "you" or "us" or however you put it. And when others interrupt, impede or change the plans of what any of us have set in motion, chaos occurs (at any level).

Driving down the road I notice..some on their phones (with some talking rather intensely others just relaxed and laughing), some talking to their kid(s) in the backseat, some having a great time singing to their radios and others just sitting quietly (as I was at the time I was looking around). Our universe(s) are inside our vehicles, homes, workplaces, etc.

I witness frustration at those who are at their doctors offices and are upset with the people behind the desk (either answering phones or helping with paperwork) because something done is not to their satisfaction (usually about appointments or waiting time). And how the person just trying to help is being beat down by someone who is figuratively saying 'how dare you interrupt my plan of how I want my world to be' or 'how dare you make me wait'. These kinds of things puts a LOT into perspective for me. I'm totally trying not to be one of those people, anymore. It's not their fault, they are just doing their job too.

Things happen that do in fact effect our world and put our original plans that were in motion, out of sync for a while. But eventually things go right back to normal (or our type of normalcy). It certainly is not an easy thing to try and realize all of this all of the time, emotions do get in the way and complicate things.

My particular bubble, now a days is rather fragile and constantly flexible. With kids it certainly has to be that way. But because I have kids that bubble is protected and much stronger than ever because I'm now in the roll of 'mama bear'. My family is everything to me and that is what MY Bubble is around.

Ten Years ago...

With September 11, 2001 now 10 years behind us all...do you remember that day? Did you promise yourself anything? Did you promise you'd do more for your family, with your family or friends? Did you promise ANYTHING to/for anyone or anything??

Well....have any of you kept any of those promises?

I know I at least kept one. To be true to myself and not hold back on how I feel, because you never know when it will be the last time you see or communicate with someone. Life is truly too short.


What about you? Have you thought of that?

I know I made many other promises, but they were based on the situation I was in at the time. Therefore, those are NULL and VOID!

My life in comparison to 10 years ago are literally night and day. I'm married to a man I'm looking forward to growing old with and we have a home and two beautiful children. I never thought I'd make it here. So glad I found my way.